My life is a yo yo

Meltdown. Then straight face. Fake it. Act like everything's fine, nothing happened. Soon, you start to believe it. You're strong enough to handle it. You just overreacted. You can do it. Things will be fine. Look how beautiful the world is. See the stars, shining in the sky, just for you. Feel the sun, kissing your skin, the wind caressing your hair. Just for you. It's beautiful. And then your world crashes down again. Repeat.

My life is a yo yo, and just when things appear to be lifting, the sky falls down. The pain comes. And maybe it would be okay if I could just stop melting. If I could hold myself solid and just deal with it. I used to...for the most part. But the more it happens, the worse my reaction. And I hate it. I hate reacting to everything that happens. In my head I know the pattern, I know what will happen next, and if I can just bypass the meltdown, the feeling. If I could hold it all in again, maybe I'd be able to handle everything better.

But then, then I wouldn't be me. And if there were no pain, then how could I feel the sun kissing me? How would I find solace in the stars, shining bright, just for me. So, I'll take the pain. I'll fight against the odds. And one day, one day, maybe I'll win. My string will break, and I'll roll free in the grass.