I am Woman. See me . . . Cook?

God bless her. I love her. I really, really love my dear Memaw, but unfortunately she is a prime example of where the Church is well … stuck.

Reared in the good ol’ Little House on the Prairie days, my Memaw is a stubbornly hard worker, who knows no bounds in what she can accomplish. Growing up on a farm, she learned how to cook everything from scratch, pick cotton, beans, and various fruits, and keep a meticulous house. The whole family would tease her that her purpose in life was to wake the roosters. And, no one has a more generous heart than my Memaw.

However, her upbringing has made her a firm believer in the traditional roles that males and females are to play in the game called “House.” While she has no qualms in women working, she does have something to say about a wife not having three meals on the table (at a set time) and a clean house. My papaw unfortunately only perpetuates the stereotype by picking on the small things that aren't done to his satisfaction. She then takes it even further by lamenting the fact that young girls today have no idea or inclination to cook. (Which to my historian’s mind and personal experience is a huge exaggerated generalization.)

My cousin is getting married this December; she is the first of the grandkids to enter holy matrimony. And she has been getting an earful from my dear grandmother about wifely duties. While hearing it at first may make one laugh to think that such things are still expected in our modern world, after a while, it has slowly taken an edge in her life. And understandably so. Especially since her fiancé actually enjoys cooking.

Now, to bring this back around to the Church. I just began the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and I’m loving it. For those who have never heard about the book, it takes a new look at Christian men and women from the viewpoint of excepting and embracing who you are instead of feeling like you’re not living up to the Church’s standards. Because, let’s face it, the Church has a way of making us feel inadequate and/or tiredly depressed if we do meet all of the demands.

One point the authors make is:
“The church has not been a big help here. No, that’s not quite honest enough. The church has been part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily ‘you are here to serve. That’s why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community.’ Seriously now – picture the women we hold up as models of femininity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed; they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.

Think about the women you meet at church. They’re trying to live up to some model of femininity. What do they ‘teach’ you about being a woman? … Like we said, you’d have to conclude that a godly woman is . . . tired. And guilty. . . . Is that supposed to be godly – that sense that you are a failure as a woman?”

I LOVED this passage, because I think it hits the proverbial nail on the head. No one is that perfect, to serve in all of these capacities. Well, at least to serve and NOT get too run down to enjoy life. Most of my life mantras have come from watching the people around me, and one thing I have come to insist upon in my own life is that I am going to enjoy it. I watch my mother and me memaw work so hard to get everything on their lists accomplished. But, at the end of the day, they are too tired and worn out to get any enjoyment out of their labors. My thought is then “why bother.”

I understand that we all have responsibilities in this life, and many of them we don’t/won’t enjoy, but to work solely for work and enjoy nothing…THAT is extreme. And when it causes us to lose focus, it becomes completely unbiblical.

Now, all this being said. I cook. Yes, I have lunch on the table every day for my mother . . . at a specific, set time. I also bake cakes and cookies (or at least I’m learning). How does this mesh with my firmly-set (Christian) feminist attitude I parade around? Easy. I cook because I enjoy it. I love experimenting and creating dishes that other people can enjoy. And, yes. I will whole-heartedly agree that cooking is a great survival tool. But I am never going to condemn someone because they don’t have a meal on a table at a specific time (as long as they aren’t starving or mal-nourishing children because of their lack knowledge and/or skills).

What does this mean for my future game of “House?” Easy. It means that I will cook when I want or need to, but I won’t let anyone make me feel guilty that 1) I’m a woman and 2) I’m not the perfect Susie Housekeeper. If my future partner wants to cook, all the more power to him. If he especially likes something I cook and requests it – GREAT! But, I’m not going to slave around a house when there are two (or more) people who are capable of working in it with me.

Basically it comes down to the fact that I have OPTIONS. As long as no one is assigning me and boxing me into one role, it will all work fine. I'll cook. I'll clean. I'll do what needs doing because I want to; it needs to be done; and I can. But Lord help the person who tells me "I have to because I'm a woman."

For my great feminist opinions, I’ve been blessed with my own home. I had a father who was willing to cook and clean right along with my mom. Even my brothers and I had our turn cooking during the week as well as weekly chores. Although if my father knew that he was encouraging my feminist mind, he would probably balk (although not in the usual way because he is not anti-feminist, just that males and females were created differently and therefore should not be called "the same." But that's a whole other post.).

Basically, taking it back to the bible again. A house is like the church which is like the body. It takes everyone. We can’t assign one role to one person based on gender anymore. After all, if an artist can paint with their feet and mouth, then a man can cook a casserole and a child can vacuum a floor.