Flashes of Red

Red. I'm seeing red. Nothing but red. Why you ask? One word: VERIZON!

My entire family have been loyal Verizon customers for about ten years now. I remember my first cell phone; it was a KRAZR. My second phone was a LG Envy2. I had that phone until I went to Russia. While in Russia, I ended up getting a phone I fell in love with. My baby was thin, black and silver, very light, and it fit in this beautiful sheath case with a cool art-deco design. I could download my itunes library on it, and I had access to the internet, with a special icon for facebook. But, more importantly, it was about a tenth of the cost as an American cell plan through Verizon (or anywhere for that matter). Part of that love had to do with the European way of handling mobile phones - basically pay as you go with low rates. So, I could access internet on my phone at my whim without paying a monthly data package.

But then I had to return home. Now, I'm all for capitalism, and I truly believe that companies should, for the most part, have free reign to increase profit margins, etc. But let's remember customer service. When I was in Russia, I always bragged about American customer service, especially in regards to Russian customer service. But then Verizon comes into the picture.

To begin with, my lovely Russian phone will not work with a Verizon plan, so I ended up getting a Blackberry Curve 3G 9330 in a lovely shade of - well, it's a shiny dark pink/rose color. And, after I got used to it's quirky personality, I really liked it. I especially liked the data capabilities - GPS, 24/7 facebook, google and wikipedia at my fingertips - it was GREAT!

Now, when I first got my phone the first week of July, there were some issues getting everything activated. After about 6 hours on the phone over a 2 day period, it was discovered that my phone was programmed incorrectly. But, never fear, it was resolved - AND I got Verizon credit to assauge my frustration over the fact that some nincompoop made me spend six hours on the phone with a company. Thankfully though, after those initial problems, my love affair with my blackberry went on rather smoothly, and my Russian phone never said one word of reproach.

Then, out of the blue this week, around Tuesday or Wednesday, my internet connection disappeared. I called and after about an hour of reprogramming, manually registering and re-registering, activating and deactivating and reactivating, the technician told me my phone, my beautiful phone, needed to be replaced. So, he over-nighted me another Blackberry Curve.

This new phone was beautiful, and I dialed the number to activate it in eager anticipation of the new facebook status updates just waiting to be read. But NO! That would be to easy. "Activation Unsuccessful" popped onto my screen. Love affair ended. But, like a scorned mistress trying to keep her man, I called Verizon and begged to get things back to how they were. An hour and a half later, I was told that there were issues with the Blackberry PIN number, and that nobody would be able to use this phone. But, "never fear," the poor, tired guy told me. "I will over-night you another phone, and you will have it tomorrow."

Tired and weary, I trusted him and said good bye. But, later that day, the technician called me back. "I have been checking into your problem," he said. "And it seems that you are not the only one with this problem. There is a network issue with all blackberry users in the area, and a master ticket has been started. In the meantime, feel free to use your original phone for calling and texting."

The next day the replacement for the replacement phone arrived. I called Verizon to check and see if the issue had been resolved, and I was told that it had been. There should be no trouble activating the new phone and enjoying my data services. But, there was. The new phone was programmed on an Altel system and would not recognize Verizon services. Verizon could not activate it. So, what did we do? The technician had me go back to the original phone, and put me through all the tricks and tests that I did the first day. Still, no luck. But, by this point I could have told him that. Then, we activated the first replacement phone. And it worked. There WAS no PIN issue. Never had been. But, did I get data services? NO!

Once again, we reactivated, deactivated, manually registered, and programmed, and reprogrammed the phone. By this time, I could get a job as a Verizon technician. I knew what they were going to try before they did. Still, no enchiladas appeared on my plate to satiate my growing hunger (a metaphor for the intense frustration and weariness I felt after now hours of Verizon abuse). To make matters worse, I knew the technician was unhappy and getting mad at ME. Because of course, their lack of competence was all MY fault. Finally, he told me, "Well, it's not your phone, and it's not the network coverage, so it must be your plan. I'll put in a ticket and have the guys review and recreate your plan and profile." My response: "Sure, anything at this point."

Today, I get a voicemail saying the issue had been resolved. What I would need to do is drive three-four hours away, across state lines, into TEXAS, in order to reconnect to a Verizon tower. Then, I could reprogram my phone and everything would be dandy.

Let me get this straight. I have to spend a DAY driving in order to do a 30 second programming call? ARE YOU CRAZY?!? So, me being my masochistic self, I call Verizon demanding an answer to my three questions.

1. Why did I not have to do this when I first got my phone? I was in the EXACT same location, with the same phone. Yes, there were programming errors, but those were handled without me spending a day and $75 dollars driving out-of-state. What is so different now?

No Answer

2. Why now? Why has it worked fine for three months, and THEN nothing?

Well, technically we recommend that any customer with a data services of any kind reprogram with the Verizon tower every ninety days or so. Your phone really isn't the best phone for your area.

Follow-up question to #2: REALLY!?!? Then why did you not tell me this when I ordered it over the phone, and you asked for my zipcode and address? Why did you not tell me this any of the ten or fifteen times I called you?

No answer.

3. Why is it just me and my phone. My papaw lives in the exact same house I do, and he has the EXACT same phone. Why does he not have to drive to a different state to get his data service?

No answer.

Then, to add insult to injury, the manager (which I had demanded to speak to by this point), tells me that he can let me out of my contract or send my a dinky free phone (I had three whole options, none of which he would recommend to me, which was probably why they were free). I finally asked him if I could update my service coverage in Albuquerque since I would be going there in about a week and a half. He said yes. And, being so benevolent, he offered to give me credit for the amount of one month of data services. There was no help or credit on how I'm supposed to do this every three months though. Does he really think that I'm going to be fortunate enough to have a conference in Albuquerque every three months? Or does he think I'm stupid or rich enough to run into Texas every three months?

Anyways, I have another week or more without the full use of my Blackberry. Sadly, I will have to find a new love for my life as this affair is now over. Any takers out there? Anyone?

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Additionally, this week I had my TB test done for work. The thing is I was warned up front by my memaw and mom that our family are carriers. Almost everyone, my memaw, mom, aunt, and uncles all test positive for TB on the skin test, but they never have it (as proven by the x-ray).

So, I told my doctor right away that my family are carriers and that everyone has tested positive. And they always have to resort to x-rays. Does he listen? No. He does the skin test anyway instead of sending me straight to x-ray. Surprise, Surprise. I develop a large, red, raised circle around the injection shot. This MUST mean I have TB. So, I get an x-ray. I haven't received the official results yet, but I'm 99.9% sure that he's going to tell me that I'm negative for TB. Go figure. In the meantime, I have an itchy, red rash that isn't going away. An increasingly large doctor's bill. And a doctor that wants me to get re-tested every year, despite the fact that leading officials say that's the worst thing a carrier can do as the skin test will actually increase chances of carriers developing TB.

And, to top things off, my foot, which has been hurting me for months now and makes working out impossible, is not responding to medication, which means I have to shell out $30+ to see a specialist.
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And, because I'm on a ranting roll, I'm lonely. I miss my friends and I miss that seemingly non-existent guy. I just want someone who will say to me, "Look, I'm not going to tell you that this doesn't suck. And, I'm not going to tell you that I can solve all your problems. But, I will tell you that I will be here with you. And you can yell and rant at me all you want, and I won't leave you. I'll make you laugh, and I'll hold your hand. And I'll stay with you."

Now, I know I'm insane. But, I'm a firm believer in making the impossible possible as shown by my dozen or so calls to Verizon. Sometimes I'm lucky; sometimes I'm not. In the meantime, I'm going to watch Moulin Rouge and purge by giving into my sappy romantic notions and dreams.

Anyways, I'll end by saying quoting my mom. "You can get glad in the same pants you get mad in." Mom, I'll work on this, starting now. Love you!